The Stories We Mistake for Truth

How many times have we told ourselves something so often that we stopped checking whether it’s true?

“I’m just not good at that.” “Things never work out for me.” “That’s just the way I am.”

Most of us have said some version of these without thinking twice. Maybe we failed at something years ago, got rejected, had someone make us feel like we weren’t good enough or simply grew accustomed to seeing ourselves a certain way. Whatever led us there, the feelings were real.

Failing at something is one thing. Deciding we’re a failure is another, because that one sticks around a lot longer.

Once we start believing something about ourselves, we tend to notice whatever supports it. If we think we’re not good enough, we catch every bit of criticism and brush past the compliments. If we believe things never work out for us, every disappointment goes in the pile and the things that did work out barely register. After a while we aren’t remembering what happened so much as editing it to fit the story, and some of us have been editing for years.

I’d convinced myself this was just what getting older looked like. I let myself slide into the classic dad bod: less energy, more weight, a body slowly declining. I’d see pictures of guys over fifty in unbelievable shape, think “that’s incredible,” and then add, “but it’s too late for me.” If they’d done it, I had a reason it didn’t count. They were wired differently or they had something I didn’t. It sounded like logic, so I never questioned it.

Then my bloodwork came back with problems I could actually do something about, but since I felt fine, it didn’t feel urgent. Even once I saw the numbers, nothing changed right away. I stayed stuck for a while longer. It wasn’t until I thought about what that kind of bloodwork had done to other people and pictured myself headed down the same road that I finally acted. I shouldn’t have needed bloodwork to question what I’d believed about getting older.

When I started making changes, I began to see that those guys I’d been looking at weren’t necessarily wired any differently than I was. I’d spent so much time explaining why I couldn’t do what they’d done that I hadn’t given myself a chance to find out.

We may not have chosen the experiences that shaped these beliefs and there’s no point in blaming ourselves for that. But once we see how they’ve affected us, what we do next is up to us. Recognizing a belief gives us a chance to make a different choice, but it doesn’t automatically mean we can change something we’ve believed for years. That takes repetition, and even then, we’ll occasionally slip back into old ways of thinking. That’s part of the process.

Still, once we recognize the story, we can start questioning whether we want to keep feeding it. We can challenge it, or we can keep telling it, and both have a price. Challenging it can mean discomfort, especially when we realize how long we’ve allowed a belief to hold us back. Keeping it can mean we stop trying the things we’ve decided we’re bad at, and because of that, we never find out.

We all live some version of this. So what’s the story you’ve told yourself for so long that you’ve stopped questioning whether it’s true?

The Stories We Mistake For Truth
A Reflection by Alexander Bush
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