Are We Really Listening?

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
— Stephen R. Covey

Many of us think we’re good listeners but often we’re just waiting our turn. Somebody is still talking and we’re already building our response, deciding what we agree with, what we want to correct and what we’ll say the second there’s a gap. We’re still nodding along, but we’ve stopped following what they’re saying.

When I really think about it, I’m guilty of this more than I would have believed. I can be sitting across from someone, standing in a room or on the phone and the whole time I’m rehearsing what I want to say back. It has happened at home too, which is worse, because I’ll be half listening to my wife or kids while I’m already working on my answer before they’ve finished their thought.

Even when we do hear the words, we tend to run them through our own experience. What we’ve seen, what we’ve been through, what has worked or gone wrong for us. That’s usually where the advice comes from or the judgment for that matter. But we don’t have to agree with someone to be curious about what they might have lived through to see things the way they do.

When we’re busy thinking about our response, we tend to miss more than the words. We miss the tone, the hesitation, how they said it and although we may be able to repeat back every word, we can still have no idea what they really meant.

So the next time someone is talking, where is our attention? Are we trying to understand what they mean or just getting ready for what we’ll say next?

#MotivationMonday